deadpossum

Roadkill's Judgement Day Predictions

2008-05-18T09:58:00.000-07:00

Posted by Roadkill (No, I didn't leave. It was a Maypril Fools Joke)

It's that time of year again, kids. That time when you order a PPV around May 19th, but Kane isn't even angry. Not one bit. It's Judgement Day! This year, we have Kane in a sqaush match! HHH in a cage match! Cena in yet another sqaush match! Boy, watching this is probably going to be worse than the real Judgement Day. Anyway, here are my predictions for this uneventful PPV (Remember, I predict the matches in the order I want to see them):

Kane and CM Punk def. Miz and John Morrison WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
This one wasn't a hard choice. It's pretty darn obvious that they'll win, and that Punk will turn on Kane after a title defense, and he'll win the ECW title thanks to the MITB case. WWE, you never fool me.

JBL def. John Cena
I originally thought Cena would win, but then I did some deep thinking. The winner of this match or Y2J/HBK will probably get the next WWE title shot. Jericho isn't ready yet, and his fued with Michaels is starting to get good, and I would like to see it last a little longer. JBL/Cena isn't exactly that good. Besides, we've seen this rivalry a million times already. I think JBL wins, and earns a #1 contender's spot on Raw.

BONUS MATCH: Umaga and Mark Henry def. Mr.Kennedy
There are only 6 matches tonight, and most of the outcomes are obvious. Kennedy/Regal was highly anticipated (by me atleast) but it's just not happening tonight. So, Regal makes Kennedy vs. Regal with the winner being King of the Ring. While Regal is entering, he announces that Umaga and Mark Henry will be representing him tonight. Kennedy is doing good. Umaga is out of the ring, and he is dominating Henry. He hits the Kenton Bomb, The Lambu Leap (Or was it Greenbay plunge? I forget.), and the Mic Check on Henry. Henry is out cold. While he is pinning him, Umaga belly flops Kennedy. He picks him up and Samoan Spikes him for the win. Everyone leaves, but Henry is still out cold. Big Show's music hits, and the crowd goes crazy. He is going to chokeslam Henry, but Mark reverses it into a World's Strongest Slam. Two fueds in one match. Pretty damn good, ain't it?

Mickie James def. Beth Phoenix, Melina WOMEN'S TITLE MATCH
Mickie wins after a Chick Kick (Mick Kick?) to Melina and one to Beth Phoenix.

Shawn Michaels def. Chris Jericho
HBK wins exactly how he won at Backlash. A Walls of Jericho injures his leg a little. He gets up and Superkicks the crap out of Jericho for a victory.

Edge def. The Undertaker WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
Edge and The Undertaker hit their finishers multiple times. The match ends after The Undertaker hits a Last Ride on Edge. Edge hangs on and locks in the Gogoplata. Taker taps, and Edge is the new WHC.

Triple H def. Randy Orton WWE TITLE STEEL CAGE MATCH
Triple H is the obvious choice here. I would like to see him Pedigree Orton at the top of the Cage, too. My guess is that JBL will be his next #1 contender.

Well, there you have it. I will be doing this again in 2 weeks for One Night Stand, where every match will be an extreme rules match. Because that worked SO well last year.

MAYPRIL FOOLS!

2008-05-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

Posted by Roadkill

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You idiots, I'm not leaving Deadopossum! I can't, me and Deadopossum are friends! It was a Maypril Fools joke! Maypril Fools is every May 13th, dumbshits. For those of you who aren't familiar with this holiday, it's like April Fools, except it's Maypril Fools. Here are it's origins:

Maypril Fools is a great Holiday. A holiday of joking, and making people cry. A holiday of betraying freinds and pretending to quit your job. (PRETNDING TO QUIT JOB NOT ADVISED. I DID IT, AND NOW DUNDER MIFFLIN ISN'T RE-HIRING ME. I SHOULD WORK AT OFFICE MAX. THAT'LL SHOW 'EM.) The story of Maypril Fools goes back to the time of the old testament, with the first man who evolved from an 280 pound bear, Hulky Holgany. He didn't have any clothes, which was part of God's little Maypril fools joke. He stood by the sun for too long, making him turn Orange. Then he gave him Lindamarie, his wife. Of course, he had to pull him rib out to make her. You hear that women? You think pushing something out of your you-know-where hurts? He pulled his goddam rib out! Anyway, he got her name tattooed on his finger, but she filed for divorce shortly after. Hogan trashed the garden of eden, and walked around the world. Before he knew it it was 1919! The Russians were revolting against their tsars, and wanted a better leader. A leader like Vladmir Lenin. He gave Lenin $20 to be a communist and destroy Russia's good name. What a great Maypril Fools joke! He did the same to Stalin years later. In the 1960s, Hogany became a hippie. From then on, he used the term "brutha" alot. In 1997, the Hoganies happened to be in England. He got Nicky (his son) really drunk, and made him drive. Stupid Nick followed Princess Diana's car. Diana also died in a car crash that same day. Ain't that a real coinkidink?

Now that you know the origins of Mayprils Fools Day, be as mean as possible and act like you hate people. Also, tell them Roadkill said "F you." And... uh... "Happy Maypril Fools Day" too.

Bye-Bye

2008-05-13T17:02:00.000-07:00

Posted by Roadkill

It's too bad that this is the last time you'll see that POSTED BY ROADKILL thing up above. If you haven't already guessed, I'm leaving Deadopossum. I feel like I've been neglecting my other site.Also, me and Deadopossum aren't that close anymore. He said he hated me 1,000 freakin' times (he wasn't joking either. I'm dead serious. Me and Deadopossum have known each other for a long time. I can tell). He even beat me with a book titled, "The Castle in the Attic"! Also, there is no Majoordood. Actually, there is a Mojoordood. He is my little brother. He just didn't want to blog here, so I did all his blogging for him. So, basically, MAJOORDOOD IS A MADE-UP CHARACTER! Since that's the case, you've probably realized that I've been doing all the blogging here since God knows when. Oh wait, God does know when. February. It was February. So while Deadopossum sits on his ass and tells me "I'm busy. Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I'll post something tonight", I'm writing the SD Rant and thinking of storylines. I see the site the next day but he hasn't blogged. That bullshit has been going on for months now, and I'm sick of it. It's no wonder Deadguy 1313 and CD619 bolted outa here all those months ago. If you want too see the wonderful writings of Roadkill, check out my other site, roadkillsblog.blogspot.com. Oh, and my name isn't roadkill. I got that nick-name in 5th grade when I turned around and hit a girl with my backpack. Before you go, here are some segments that will be moved to my site:

The Smackdown Rant

Blast from the past PPV recapitation (I will write those very rarely, though)

Rivalries

I will spoof on songs

LOW: THE LAWS OF WRESTLING

Also, I'm combining Best of the Week and the top ten. If you want to see it, go to http://roadkillsblog.blogspot.com . I will post it during the weekend. Before you go, I want to let you know you have a choice to make. You can visit my site and laugh, get inspired, and break the monitor when you get mad- or you can stay here and wait until Deadopossum blogs again- which should be around Wrestlemania 25. Your choice. Make the right one.

TNA vs. WWE

2008-05-08T14:56:00.000-07:00

Posted by Majoordood and Roadkill

RK: Hi RASLIN' LVING LOSERS.

MD: Today we're here to talk about something serious. And not the kind of serious where Roadkill talks about crappy PPVs or cracks unfunny jokes that only a 3rd grader would find funny.

RK: Today we're here to make you laugh, cry, and maybe even break your monitor because you hate us. But let's start with the laughing. I'll go first. What's 40 feet long and smells like pee? Line dancers at the old folks home! Ain't I hilarious.

MD: First of all, Roadkill, ain't isn't a word. It's conveinient by meaning isn't, aren't, and not, but it still can't be a word. Second of all, you're not funny.

CHAVO GUERRERO: More like da' couwt jetstah, hahhahahhahhahhhha.

RK: What the hell was that?!

CG: It's me, Chavo Guerrero.

MD: Why the hell are you here?!

CG: I knew Roadkill would tell an unfunny joke, so I helped him out by saying something way funnier. I said that same line to CM Punk on SD a few weeks ago, you know.

RK: Chavo, you suck. You were a fluke champion and you rely on a human fence for protection. Speaking of which, didn't you have to jump over one of those to get to this country?

CG: How dare you! I, I...

RK: Whatchgonnadobrutha? Mow my lawn for $10?

CG: Watch out, Roadkill. Me and my L.A. gang member freinds will get you for this. You feel me, esse?

MD: Whatever. Let's get to our point. TNA Impact, WWE's rival promotion, has been beating the WWE in the ratings lately. If this continues, WWE may be no more.

RK: Yeah, it's time to pick a side. Do you want to spend Thursday nights watching The Office, 30 Rock, and My name is Earl on NBC, or do you want to waste your time with Impact?

MD: Yeah, and also, tonight's a good night for Scrubs, which is on NBC (8:30). I hear it's the last episode ever. Also, John Heder of Napolean Dynamite, Blades of Glaory, and School for Scoundrels will be on My Name is Earl tonight (8:00).

RK: Things are serious now. Pick a side. WWE or TNA.

MD: Before you go, you should know that at Wrestlemania 24, TNA was handing out fliers, advertising their show. Also, they had a blimp saying watch TNA go over the Citrus Bowl. Who would want to watch something with that business method.

RK: So think before you watch TNA. It could be the downfall of WWE.

MD: Hey, what's that brownish reddish van doing outside?

RK: I see- OH CRAP! CHAVO'S BACK. He's got his L.A. gang member freinds too. Hey he has other Mexicans. There's Mencia! Lopez! Vickie Guerrero! Joseph Mencia!

MD: There's a border patrol guy tied up in the back! Oh no, this is gonna be very very- HEY! THERE IT IS!

RK: Yeah, I see it too. It's Deady Guerrero's ghost.

KNOCK-KNOCK

MEXICANS: Holmes, we gotcha now. Watcha gonna do now, esse?

BORDER PATROL AGENT: You're in big trouble. I'm deproting all of you.

MENCIA: Oh no! People were actually starting to watch my show!

3 DAYS LATER

RK: Thanks for deporting Chavo for us.

MD: Yeah, now we're safe, and Kane has a new opponent.

BPA: Well, I'm not really a border patrol agent. I'm Edge.

MD AND RK: EDGE?!

EDGE: Yeah, the tiny Mexican was getting on my nerves. Vickie's out next, by the way.

MD: Well, NOTHING LIKE THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN IN TNA. AND THIS ISN'T JUST A MADE UP STORY, JUST TO GET YOU TO LIKE WWE.

RK: Of-

As Roadkill was writing that last sentence, he was sued by WWE because none of this actually happened, and Vince says it makes the company look bad. We counter-sued, and WWE lost, making us millionaires, making WWE go bankrupt. Well, look on the bright side- I'm rich, biotch.

Stuff

2008-05-08T14:49:00.000-07:00

Posted by Roadkill

Hey guys. I'm bord as hell. Raw sucked again, ECW did too, and Smackdown will also. Oh wait, you don't know that yet, because I haven't posted the spoilers. Well, there's really nothing worth watching except maybe the main event. I won't post all the spoilers, because they were all qualifying matches for the main event, which was a battle royal for the world title. Batista won, but then Vickie Guerrero stripped him of the title and gave it to Edge, who will defend it against Taker at Judgement Day. Also, Kozlov beat a guy and Natalya beat Kelly Kelly.

In other new, George Lopez is still unfunny, the creative team re-wrote Raw, and SD at the last minute, and OH CRAP- I STILL HAVEN'T STARTED THE SMACKDOWN RANT. It's Thursday, and I haven't started it. But, I'll make it up to you. Next week, right here on Deadopossum, it's gon' be a double header. That's right dog, I'm making one large post with 2 weeks worth of SD Rants. Now holla atcha boy, playa.

The Top Ten: Week of 4/28/08

2008-05-04T05:54:00.000-07:00

Posted by Majoordood

Here are this week's rankings:

Matt Hardy. Here's to the only person that retained his title without an off air delima.
Miz and Morrison defended their titles successfully.
William Regal now has alot of power with his GM job and his title as King of the Ring. He also took Raw off the air, helping Triple H retain his title. He also got into a brawl with Mr.Kennedy, which will probably lead to a match at Judgement Day.
Triple H. With Regal's help, he won 2 title matches in one week- basically.
Edge is probably going to be given the world champ as of next week.
Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely. They beat Kane on ECW.
Mike Adamle finally found his balls and left the arena during ECW.
Tazz surprisingly followed him.
Kofi Kingston had a win against Shelton Benjamin on ECW.
Victoria and Nasty Neidhart beat Michelle Mcool and Cherry on SD.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Maryse is Duece 'n' Domino's new girl... Colin Delany still sucks... Vladmir Kozlov still acts like a communist with his no music no lighting entrance... and William Regal is still English, apparently.

Best of the week: Week of 4/28/08

2008-05-04T05:48:00.000-07:00

Posted by Majoordood

Here are this week's best of the week:

RAW'S BEST OF THE WEEK:
William Regal and Triple H. Regal took Raw off the air and Triple H retained his title because of it. Yay bad storylines!

ECW'S BEST OF THE WEEK:
Chavo, Bam Neely, Tazz, and Mike Adamle. Bam and Chavo beat the ECW champion Kane, and Mike finally found the balls to leave the announce table. Tazz followed him out, which was kind of funny. This is the week of bad storylines.

SMACKDOWN'S BEST OF THE WEEK:
Matt Hardy, Miz, Morrison, and Edge. Hardy, Miz, and Morrison retained their titles, and Edge probably gained one.

ECW Rivalries

2008-05-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

Posted by Roadkill

Rivalries is where I come up with ideas for WWE stortlines. Today, I have an ECW storyline.

Storyline: Snitsky vs. Kane

Why: Snitsky wants Kane's ECW Storyline.

How it goes: Before I start, you should know some things that would happen before hand. Kane would beat Chavo in title matches at Judgement Day and ECW One Night Stand. The WWE draft, which would be 2 weeks after One Night Stand, would bring Snitsky to ECW. Anyway, on the ECW after the draft, Armando Estrada would give Snitsky a title shot at Night of Champions, the new PPV premeiring on June 27th, for those of you who didn't know. Anyway, Snitsky beats a jobber that night and Kane beats Elijah Burke.
Next week, Armando is out with Snitsky, and he shows a video of Snitsky and Kane's old rivalry. He says that history will repeat itself, and that Kane won't stand a chance. He says that Kane is a fluke champion, and that his fluke reign will end at Night of Champions. This brings Kane out, who says, "Armando. I won thsi title at Wrestlemania in 8 seconds. That's not a fluke. The champ sucked. That's why I beat him." "Exactly," says Armando." Eight seconds. You surprised him and chokeslammed him. I was there and that's a fluke." Kane reminds him that he also beat Chavo 3 other times, fair and square. Armando is about to say something, but Kane grabs him by the throat. He says,"Listen. I will destroy Snitsky. History won't repaeat itself, and he'll burn in hell." He is about to chokeslam him, but Snitsky boots him and Kane falls out of the ring. He makes Kane/Big Daddy V for later and the night, which Kane wins. After the match, Snitsky and Armado come out. Armando says that Kane better watch out on Sunday.
On Sunday, the ref is KO'd after Snitsky ducks a big boot and it hits the ref. Armando comes out with a steel chair and a kendo stick. He gets in the ring and hits Kane with both weapons a few times. He wakes the ref up, but Kane kicks out of the pinfall. Kane ultimately reverses a Pump Handle Slam into a chokeslam for the win.
On the next ECW, Snitsky faces TommyDreamer and wins. Kane also adresses Snitsky. He says that he knows he still wants his title. He saya if he wants it, he'll have to come and take it. He then goes on to talk about Estrada. He says that because of what he did in the match, he'll pay. He challenges Armando and Snitsky to a handicapped match next week. That brings Snitsky and Estrada out. They say that next week, it will be Snitsky vs. Kane for the ECW title- with special ref Armando Estrada.
Next week, Kane hits his finisher, but Armando doesn't count. A real ref comes out and makes the three count. Tony Chimel says it's legal because he's a real refferee. The show goes off as Armando and Snitsky complain.
The following week, Armando and Snitsky bring out the ref that made th three count and scold him. They say they'll fire him, but Snitsky says that the won't fire him- they'll beat him so bad that he'll quit. They are about to beat him, but Kane comes out and scares them both out of the ring. It is announced later in the night that at Th Great American Bash, Snitsky and Kane will fight for the title, with special ref Armando, except it's a No DQ match.
On SD, Kane beats Chavo Guerrero.
On ECW, Snitsky faces Jamie Noble with special ref Estrada. Snitsky wins, but Armando gets physical too. They beat up Jamie to send a message to Kane.
At The Bash, Kane hits his finisher, but Armando isn't counting. Kane gets up and pins Snitsky by putting one foot on him. He takes a lighter out of his pants. He puts it against Armando's head. He still won't count. He drives it into his skull. Scared, Armando counts, but Snitsky kicks out. Kane gos and grabs a chair and his See No Evil hook. He whacks Snitsky with the chair and Chokeslams him. He takes the hook and chokes Armando with it. He pins Snitsky the same way, and Armando counts, still be choked. Remember, he's counting against his will. Kane wins, and he continues to choke Armando with the hook. He stops, but Estrada looks dead. He does the same to Snitsky.
On ECW, Armando makes it Kane vs. Snitsky and Armando- extreme rules, for later tonight. He says that if his team wins, Kane gets stripped of his title. Kane wins.

April's Savagies

2008-05-03T10:25:00.000-07:00

Posted by Roadkill and various names in wrestling

RK: Welcome to our monthly awards show, the savagies! This month, we have various names in sports entertainment presenting the awards. Here presenting our first award would be Michael Cole, but we got his cousin, who is currently trapped in a ditch, Michael Cole-in-a-hole, to present the award.

Cole-in-a-hole: Welcome fans. I'm currently trapped in a hole right now, but I'll be out. I'll be out, and I'll kill my cousin for calling a steel cage a carnivore, and for his craptastical announcing. Oh, onto the award.

1st award: This first award is the Hardy's ladder match award, for the most underated mid-card match

Nominees: The Has Been Kid vs. Batista- special ref Chris Jericho (Backlash), MVP vs. Matt Hardy- U.S. Title (Backlash), CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy (Raw), Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix- Women's title (Raw)

And the savagie goes to: Batista vs. HBK with special ref Chris Jericho. HBK sent Batista to the animal hospital, then the pet cemetary. Matt Hardy vs. MVP could've easily won too. It WAS Hardy's first singles title.

RK: But what about the European, Cruiserweight, and Hardcore title? Hardy won those too.

C-I-A-H: Shhhhh. WWE is kinda trying to keep all that on the DL. Get my drift?

RK: Oh, you mean like they kept the Chris Benoit thing on the "DL"?

C-I-A-H: I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK ABOUT THAT! HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO VINCE!?!? I mean, who's Chris Benoit?

RK: Our next award is The My ears are Bleeding award, for the worst announcer. Here to present that award is cousin of TNA star Kurt Angle, Smurt Stangle. We couldn't get Kurt because of his BROKEN FREAKIN' NECK.

Smurt Strangle:

Nominees: Cole, Coach, Adamle

The Savagie goes to: It's a tie between Adamle, Coach, and Cole. Oh God! This is the first time there's been a tie, I think. Well, they both suck, but Coach is with MSG now, so now the Knicks fans will do the complianing. But Adamle and Cole are equaly sucky!

Also, to honor Adamle's win, Roadkill has asked me to post this Adamle video:

hbguyvbf7tgvf7dsitvfg7tsagv7sign--big--sucks--adan yhfb8y

RK: You ass, that's not a video. That's a fake Javascript code! Anyway, onto our next award, presented by Michael Coleslaw, the fast food guy and mobster.

Michael Coleslaw: This next award is The I'd watch it if I could steal it Award, for the best PPV.

Nominees: Backlash

The Savagie goes to: Oh, that was the only PPV. Well, the award was named right, 'casue I did steal it. Me and my mobster buddies. I gotta picture of them right here. To the left. Yep, that was a few years ago. Good times. Good times. Well, gotta give Mike Knox his HGH. He won't grow by himself, you know.

RK: Thanks for your time Mr.Coleslaw. To cap off this award show, here are a few pictures to remember the month by:

Taker's new chokehold:

Knox's HGH:

WWEKIDS Magazine:

Judgement Day 2008: What I want to see

2008-05-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

Posted by Majoordood

Judgement Day 2008 is just a few weeks away. I was thinking up a bunch of matches that I would like to see on the card. Take a look:

U.S. Title- Matt Hardy vs. MVP, No DQ match
We've seen these 2 fight, but never in a No DQ match. This would be a nice 20 minute match, and Matt Hardy would come out on top.

Batista and Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels
They both think Michaels is faking the knee injury, and we all know that it was real. Well, its' not really real, but it's supposed to be so the storyline can be continued. Anyway, Michaels could get mad at them for accusing he faked it, and they would get mad, he would challenge them to a handicapped match, and they would accept, and we would have our match. Batista and Jericho win.

ECW Title match- Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely, Handicapped match
They did the same thing with Lashley/Mcmahon last year. If they could do it here, they might be able to save this dying rivalry. Oh, Kane wins.

Women's title- Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle vs. Maria vs. Mickie James
This is a quick match, and Mickie retains.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry
If you read the Smackdown spoilers, you'll see that Big Show yells at Henry for destroying Nunzio. That could set up a match at Judgement Day. It wouldn't be a good match, but still. After what's going to happen on Friday, you'll see why I think this should be a match. Big Show wins.
JBL vs. John Cena
JBL said that he wants Cena on Raw- so why not fight at Judgement Day? Cena wins here in a rather short 10 minute match.

Smackdown World Heavyweight title match- The Great Khali vs. Edge vs. The Undertaker
If you read the SD spoilers, you'd know that The Undertaker is stripped of his title, and then goes on to beat the hell out of Khali. Chances are that Edge will get the title, The Undertaker will use his rematch clause, and The Great Khali would be put in there by Vickie Guerrero to "take out The Undertaker". Khali woud be smarter by taking out Edge too. Edge would win here. After The Undertaker chokeslames Khali, The Undertaker will taunt to the crowd and Edge will pin Khali.

Promo: Trevor Murdoch comes out and says that he hasn't been the best wrestler lately. They show clips of him losing a bunch of matches, Lance Cade's dissapointed face, and Trevor singing to Lance. He says he's sorry that's he dissapointed, but losing is losing, and everyone is in a bit of a slump one in a while. Lance Cade comes out and says that the only person in a slump is Trevor Murdoch. He says that he's ashamed to be his tag team partner and leaves the ring.

World tag team titles- Carlito and Santino Marrella vs. Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly
This match has been anticipated for a long time, and I think they should have it at Judgment Day. Santino and Carlito would get on the mic before the match. I think Cody Rhodes and Holly would drop the titles.

WWE Title- Randy Orton vs. Triple H
This match is already happening, and we all know who's gonna win. (Hint: Triple H).

So, there you have it. I hope all these matches happen at Judgement Day.

SD Spoilers

2008-05-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

Posted by Roadkill

Here are the spoilers for tonight's Smackdown:

SmackDown begins with Theodore Long announcing that the WWE Tag Team Titles, US Title, and World Heavyweight Title will all be on the line tonight. Michael Cole announces Mick Foley as the new SmackDown announcer.WWE Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz b. Jimmy Wang Yang & Shannon Moore to retain.ECW General Manager Armando Estrada comes out and announces that the following will be a Colin Delaney contract match. Vladimir Kozlov b. Colin DelaneyMark Henry confronts Nunzio backstage. He reminds him that he is the World's Strongest Man in an intimidating manner.Victoria & Natalya b. Michelle McCool & Cherry MarkHenry b. Nunzio who brought Big Show to ringside with him. After the match Big Show asks Henry was doesn't he pick on someone his own size. Henry walks to the back.WWE United States Champion Matt Hardy b. MVP to retain the title with a Twist of Fate.It is announced that The Undertaker will defend his WWE World Heavyweight Championship against The Great Khali later tonight.Mick Foley interviews Batista. They talk about his loss to Shawn Michaels at Backlash. Batista says that he lost; no excuses. Foley asks Batista if he thought that Michaels was faking a knee injury. Batista says that the thought of Michaels faking the injury makes him sick. He says if he finds out that HBK was faking the injury that he will get him.Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins b. Jesse & FestusFinlay b. An unknown superstar.The Undertaker comes out. Vickie Guerrero comes out and says that the following match will not be for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. She also says that Undertaker's new choke hold (the Gogoplata that they have not named) is banned. According to to both of our correspondents, Vickie Guerrero strips The Undertaker of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship because of his dangerous choke hold. She says that it is to protect the superstars. The Great Khali came to the ring and tried to take the World Heavyweight Championship. Undertaker attacked him. Undertaker ends up locking the Gogoplata on Khali. While he is choking him out, Ryder and Hawkins come out and take the WWE World Heavyweight Championship belt. Khali ends up bleeding. Undertaker went after Ryder and Hawkins and ended up getting back in the ring and chokeslamming Khali to end the show.

Other ways the WWE should market their stuff towards Kids

2008-04-30T18:05:00.000-07:00

Posted by Roadkill

The WWE has been marketing it's crap towards kids now. I don't like the way they're doing it. Mgazines and websites and Finaly not making people bleed just isn't the right answer. So here are some ways the WWE should market their crap towards kids:

MAKE A CHILDREN'S KISS MY ASS CLUB:

Normally, a 60 year old forcing you to kiss his wrinkly old ass would be a form of sexual abuse. Listen, we hear at WWE put smiles on kids faces, by forcing faces into vertcal smiles. Because aren't kids really nothing more than tiny adults or maybe even midgets with full facial hair? I mean, why should children miss out on the character-building that can only come from knowing exactly what Mr. McMahon had for breakfast that morning? And why should only adults know that joy? NO MORE. Introducing: Mr. McMahon's Kiss My Ass Club FOR KIDS! Creating a lifetime of memories, and a lifetime of psychiatric bills, counseling, and maybe even hypnosis to "erase" or repress those memories! Ram your little bundle of joy into Vince's mud cave today! You won't be sorry. (Because that's an admission of guilt and can be later used in a court of law. Trust us.)

EDUCATIONAL TOOL: ADAMLE TO ENGLISH TRANSLATOR

Chances are, unless you're Yoda, you don't understand a goddam word Mike Adamle says. You never actually know what he's trying to say. But now, you can understand Mike, with this new device. There are no substitutes! Ok, there's probably at least a half dozen. And they're all better, but whatever! Kids, do you want a translator that looks like Tarzan but hits like Jane? Or do you want one that actually uses a phrase like that in proper context and doesn't completely embarrass itself? Ahem.

The Adamle Translator is state of the art device, that cost $300,000 (or roughly 57 Colin Delaney's) to develop and cultivate and then force on the public, despite there clearly being many more qualified translators out there. But who needs them? Like anyone would use something called the Josh Matthews! Come on!

But how does it work, you might not be asking? Like Mike himself, it's simple really. Just enter the phrase you want translated and then press "Translate", and Uno Dos, Adios, you have a phrase in crystal clear terminology that we can all understand! Never again will your "the classmates" shoot you a dirty look again! So get Bizzay today! . Prepare to elevate your vocabulary like it was the Jimmy. Translate* Adamle today! OR maybe just hire someone who knows what the hell they're doing.

*Warning: Device not to be used for Great Khali promos. Worm-hole in time will open and the Universe will implode upon itself.

HORNSWOGGLE ADVICE COLUMN ON WWE.COM

Hornswoggle is every kid's favorite nowadays. But what if he had his own advice column? Yes, a Hornswoggle advice column. The only thing is, his hands are small, so he writes small, so no one could read it. Just take a look at the advice column he wrote a few days ago (above).

STORY TIME WITH KANE

Ah, Kane. If there's one thing we know about him, it's that he loves children. Don't beleive us? Why do you think he went through all that trouble to get Lita pregnant in 2004? Excatly. So, every week, Kane stops squashing people in ECW so he can read to the little youngsters. Whether it be a how to book on how to dismember a person or the bible according to Satan, you'll love how little Timmy's face lights up when he hears Kane's story of pain and anguish. It's true! You won't be able to help smiling as your little one beams with joy and wonderment as the Big Red Machine tells of the time he got down and dirty with a dead cheerleader after a particularly gruesome car crash. Words are power. Just not the kind that set off giant fireworks before a match instead of during, you know, when it'd actually give an advantage.

JERRY LAWLER'S TEENAGE DIVA SEARCH:

Hey gals! Are you 12-14 years old? Are you going through puberty? If so, you'd be perfect for Jerry Lawler's Teenage Diva search. You'll have to complete tasks such as finishing your glass of milk, your spelling homework, putting your bike in the garage, and meeting Jerry in his basement for a top secret photo shoot.

ECW COLORING BOOK:

Here's what's so great about the ECW coloring book- you only need one color. That's right, kids, it's not a coincidence that almost every single black man under WWE contract is imprisoned on this show, and now you can show your appreciation for those African Americans in permanent bondage with the ECW Coloring book. Or just leave them all white. Michael P.S. Hayes might actually push them that way! Ahem.

ASK HUNTER: A NEW FEATURE OF WWEKIDS.COM

In this exclusive WEBSITE feature, "The Game" will give the youngsters out there important life pointers that will in turn help them become better and more productive members of society. That way, they can one day penalize, stand in the way, and maybe even destroy those who don't hold the same beliefs and work ethic. Hunter thinks about the future!*

*So, he can pin new people.

Here is a sample of this new feature:

Triple H, the principal's daughter is plumpy and fat, but she asked me out. Should I say yes?

HHH Answers: Yeah, go out with her. She may be plumpy and fat, but she'll inherit the school one day. And with the principal's ears, who know, you could be an 11 time Valedictorian.

ASK RANDY AND CENA:

Hey, Randy Orton and John Cena have an advice column too, but with WWEKIDS magazine. Let's take a look at their fine work:

A new girl moved into my neighborhood. I like her, but I don't know if she likes me. How do I break the ice?

John Cena: If I'm half as handsome as everyone keeps insisting, I'd have no problem with this.

Randy Orton: Maybe kick her dad in the haed. Or RKO Jackie, I mean her, and end her career, I mean make her move. Or you could throw all the furniture in her house.

Another uneventful edition of Roadkill's corner

2008-04-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

Posted by Roadkill

Welcoem to another craptastical edition of Roadkill's corner, the worst thing on this website. It's also pretty contreversial for the internet. Next to internet porn and that Youtube video where the 2 girls beat up that other girl, it's the most screwed up thing about the internet. I know when someone does something "contreversial" now, they've usually made a racist comment toward black people. (Michael Hayes, if you read that last sentence, I'm sorry- but I'm not sorry that you got suspended for using the n word). Anyway, I've been thinking about Cyber Sunday- the PPV where fans vote for what they want to see. Usually the voting is fixed or they urge you to vote a certain way, but it's still cool. Anyway, here's what I want to see at the next Cyber Sunday, which is this October:

Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly vs. Cryme Tyme- Tag Team Titles- Pick the match type- Elimanation tag, No DQ tag, Table

Elimanation tag wins

U.S. title Matt Hardy vs. Chuck Palumbo vs.- you pick the 3rd participant- Mark Henry, MVP, Elijah Burke

Elijah Burke wins

Divas battle royal, winner is #1 contender for Women's title- You pick the match type- Lungerie battle royal, Water Gun Battle Royal, Halloween Costume Battle Royal

Haloween Costume Battle Royal wins

Finaly vs. Shelton Benjamin- Should Hornswoggle be special ref?

Hornswoggle wins

Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk- Winner gets Punk's Mr.Money in the bank breifcase- pick the match type- Ladder, Hardcore, elimanation

Ladder wins

ECW Title Chavo Guererro vs Mick Foley- which face of Foley should compete?

Mankind wins

WHC match- The Undertaker vs. ?- Pick the opponent- The Great Khali, Batista, Edge

It is a tie between 3 way tie, so it's a fatal-four way.

WWE Title match- Triple H vs. John Cena- Pick the match type- Falls Count Anywhere, Steel Cage, Street Fight

Falls Count Anywhere wins

Well, that's it for Roadkill's corner. See ya in a week or so.

Thoughts on Raw/Backlash/ECW

2008-04-30T17:17:00.000-07:00

Posted by Roadkill

Backlash was cool. Better than I expected, too. The matches were a little less predictable, too. I thought that was odd, because usually I'm right when I predict a match. Anyway, let's observe each match, shall we?:

Matt Hardy vs. MVP- U.S. Championship
Matt Hardy wins. Not what I predicted. This gets 4 out of 5 stars.

ECW Title- Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero w/Bam Neely
O.K. match. I knew Kane would win. 2 out of 5 stars. I'm being very generous by giving it 2 stars.

The Great Khali vs. Big Show
I didn't think the show would win. Good match, with alot of submission holds. 3 out of 5 stars.

Shawn Michaels vs. Batista Special ref Chris Jericho
Not that bad, but not great. 3 out of 5 stars.

12 Diva Tag Team match
Every lackluster PPV has a crappy divas match. I was right about the outcome, but 1 out of 5 stars.

World Heavyweight Title- Edge vs. The Undertaker
The Undertaker wins in a 4 star match.

WWE title match, elimanation fatal four way match- John Cena vs. Triple H vs. JBL vs. Randy Orton
Unpredictable ending, and a good match. 5 out of 5 stars here. This and the U.S. Title match stole the show. I kinda fell sad for Orton. Know he has to mourn about this AND his father's wrist injury from the 80's that still hasn't heeled.

Thoughts on Raw:

Raw was pretty good. This guy I know, Nick, was there. The Kennedy/Regal thing was gold. Trevor Murdoch looked like a retard singing to Lance Cade. Countrymusicfest is in June, Murdoch. I didn't get Regal taking Raw off the air during the main event though. I mean, what could you possibly do with that? Creative team sucks.

Thoughts on ECW:

3 words: ECW IS SCREWED. Well, I don't know if ECW is a word, but still. How are they going to work with Tazz and Adamle leaving the ring. What the hell does that lead to? I hope this is Adamle's firing storyline. I can't listen to "Get Bizzay", "Mike The Miz", "Jamaican me crazy", "The Tazz", and "Da Duece" much longer.

The Smackdown Rant: That episdoe where The Undertaker fights Batista- Again

2008-04-27T15:35:00.000-07:00

Posted by Roadkill

This is it, the final show before Backlash, WWE's most desperate pay per view. Because really, after Wrestlemania, who feels like paying forty bucks to see a bunch of matches you just saw a month ago on a lesser stage of them all? Oh well, it's still not as bad as One Night Stand's card of gimmick matches or Vengeance : "Night of Champions" where you don't even know who half the champions are because they're so sparsely used on television. Anyway, Smackdown!

They show a video of the Edge/Taker fued, and then we see Edgey Guerrero himself in the ring with his family. Normally I'd think it's weird that all these people can't seem to beat a couple of inhuman monsters for their belts, but really, when the monsters can summer fire and lightning and most of the guys can be put down for the night with a chokeslam, I can see how it could get pretty repetitive. Competetive. I said competetive. Anyway, Vickie announces that tonight's Taker-Batista title match will be No DQ. Incidentally, there will now also be No Title Change and No Satisfying Ending! Can't wait. Edge says it doesn't matter who wins that match, because at Backlash he'll become champion again. Oh yeah, and Chavo too, but you don't have to care about that. He says it'll be a wonderful night for his familia when CM Punk interrupts, with loud music and a giant eyeball on the Titantron. Creepy. Speaking of Punk, how can he be Mr.moneyinthebank? He looks like he has the least amount of money in the business. Then, Edge congratulates him on his KOTR loss. He says, "You're not king, so you're quenn of the ring." Chavo humiliates himself and says, "More like da court jestuh, esse." I made the last word up, but boy, Chavo sucks at everything. Edge mocks Punk becasue he used MITB to get to the top. Edge mocked for being Mr.MITB. Edge. Punk says, "At least I didn't screw a fat cow-horse to get to the top." Actually, he called Vickie a boss, not a cow-horse. Vickie cries, and TLO feels bad. He makes Punk face The Undertaker, just like he did to everyone in 2006. No, that never happened. Funny exchange sees Edge refuse to dignfiy that with a response and say Punk wouldn't understand their love, to which Punk says dude that's f'n gross, I don't want to understand. F you Punk, some of us out there are forced to voluntarily recap this show. Edge asks him why he's out and he says he's just here for a public service announcement to remind us the rules of the briefcase. Edge exclaims that Punk had better think long and hard before he challenges him, but Punk thinks he can beat him. Edge threatens him with a match and Punk accepts. Vickie makes their singles match tonight official and Edge claims Punk will be bankrupt after it. What a horrible line to end their segment with. Commercials!

My Myspace survey:

Question 1: Do you fight with your parents often?

I hit my dad with a shovel once when I was 9. It was after we got back from Toys 'r' us, and he would'nt let me get the new Tonka truck.

Question 2 : Have you ever been in a car accident?
Once, when I was only a few months old. But to be fair, I was still new to driving.

Question 3 : How often do you shower?
Every eight weeks.

Question 4 : Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

What do you mean by, "sleep"?

Question 5 : What is bothering you right now?
Well, I smell sort of bad. Earlier I went for a walk for a while and took a quick shower when I came back to rinse the sweat off, but didn't really use soap or anything. Plus I got woken up at the ungodly hour of noon and rushed into a quick shower then, so I didn't get to take my usual thirty five minutes.

Question 6 : When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
REAL MEN DON'T CRY, EVER.

Question 7 : Have you ever made out in a car?
Uh, real men also don't make out in cars. It's true.

Question 8 : Have you ever kissed a stranger?

No. Well, she told people that, but that was only because she was embarrassed to be caught seen with me is all.

Question 9 : That thing that was bothering you before, is it still bothering you?
What, my smell? Well, since I've gotten a snack, I now smell like Cheddar Chex Mix, so...yes.

We are back it's time for our weekly "We really don't give a Crap" match.

1st match: Shanon Moore w/Jimmy Wang-Yang vs. MIKE THE MIZ w/ John Morrison

The shaman of shitty is doing commentary on this match. I didn't actually pay attention to this match, so I'll just talk about the commentating. They talk about WWE kids magazine and wwe.com and The Dirt Sheet. Coach is sucking John's nuts here. Orally, I mean. Sorry, he's "verbally" doing it. He talks about Morrison's abs and wonderful physique. He says, " Well when you really count, it seems like you have more of an eight-pack than a six-pack." And I thought Cole's televised anal sex permanently made him the gayest announcer. End of the match here as Miz goes for the Reality Check but Moore dodges and backslides him for the pin.

Winner: Shanon Moore. The champs taunt with their belts from the ring and the cruiserweights do the generic pointing from up the ramp as we get a graphic for Taker-Batista, "Smackdown's greatest rivalry revisited". Bull. Anyone who says it's anything but Batista-Khali is a goddamn liar. Khali danced and everything! Commercials.

Congrats to Coach. Mike Adamle was crowned the new "world's worst announcer" on ECW.

Back and we get presidential crap from Raw that you don't care about. Diva time! As you know, Michelle Mcool and Cherry are feuding with Victoria and Natalya Neidhart over something. This is Neidhart's debut match and pretty much decides whether she'll continue as a woman's wrestler with Victoria as the new Pink and Black Attack, or become a valet Diva and hook up with MVP or somebody as the Black in Pink Assault. Or, something.

2nd match: Natalya w/o her last name (It took 2 weeks) vs. Cherry w/Michelle Mcool

Poor gal already lost her last name. Yet she wins with the Sharpshooter, whatever sense that makes.

Winner: Natalya.

Apparently at Backlash there's a 12 Diva Tag Team Match. Yeah. No way you'll catch me ordering that goddamn show! Oh wait, what's this? A Big Show and Khali video package?! Oh crud, I'm there! And not just because I have to, nope. Commericals!

Michael Cole interviews Matt Hardy next. He comes out to a huge pop, even though he'll never be a main-eventer or anything. They show a clip of Hardy's injury last year. Hardy says his knee is 100%, and that MVP wanted to avoid him or some crap. MVP comes out in a nice suit and an ever fancy do-rag. He grabs Cole's mic and tells him to beat it and asks Hardy why? Why he gotsta come out here and distort the facts? P tries to convince him all he ever did was try and be friends and it's thanks to him that Hardy is an 8-time tag champion instead of just an embarrassing 7-time champ. Hardy reminds P the whole reason they even became tag champs was that P refused to give him a shot at his title. Big Hardy chant starts up as P tries to call Hardy jealous that he's accomplished more in his year and a half than Hardy has in his entire 9-year career. Hardy says he's not jealous, he's confident and at Backlash he'll prove to the entire world that he's better than MVP. MVP says he was hoping they could move past this, but Hardy says his mind is made up. P holds up his belt and looks at it before announcing that at Backlash Hardy would be getting his opportunity to become United States champion. He then of course proceeds to clock Hardy in the head with the belt. One of the best belt shots I've ever seen, seriously. He casually takes his leave and Hardy eventually slides out of the ring looking concussioned as hell.

MEANWHILE, BACKSTAGE! Punk is on his way to the ring for his match with Edge. I don't know if Punk should take the loss here. Edge could definitely get his heat back a lot quicker than Punk, since Punk has yet to really do anything to affirm himself after winning Money in the Bank. But still, Edge is main eventing this Sunday's PPV. Oh well, I guess jumping Taker at the end of the show for the umpenteenth time is good enough. I'll give this one to Punk. Commercials.

3rd match: Straight Edge vs. Regualr Edge

Damn, back already?! Anyway, the match was damn goo. So good, I can't even recap it because I forgot all about this. Oh well!

Winner: Edge, obviously.

Back to crappy crap. Vladimir Kozlov also won yet another squash match. More commercials.

Back and Batista says thanks to Vickie for the title shot, but he knows what's up. More commercials.

Back to more Presidential crap. Cole, if we wanted to watch CCN, we would've. Hillary won Pennsylvania! Too bad she's still going to lose the nomination to the loser of the election, but hey, PENNSYLVANIA!

Batista is out first for "possibly the biggest match of his career". Yeah, no. Why do people with Batista signs always draw those old fashioned round black bombs with string fuses that haven't been used since the 1800s? Need to get some updated bombs, like ones that look like digital alarm clocks, or Mooninites. Taker is out next.

Main Event: Batista vs. The Undertaker- World Heavyweight title, No DQ

They do the introductions in the ring, and Justin Roberts is growing on me. This match feels a little forced, the Edge-Punk match was more electric than this. Plus you kind of know how it's going to end. Nevertheless, they start off with headlocks and shoulder blocks before Batista gets Taker into the corner for some punches. Corner clothesline by Batista but Taker goes for a series of arm wrenches and shoulder blocks. Couple one-counts by Taker but Batista comes back with a lazy spear. Taker tries to apply his chokehold but Batista wildly slaps his legs away, kind of like a girl who walked into a spider web. He rolls to the outside and backs up to the barricade for the comfort of some random front row tools patting his back as we go to commercials.

Back just in time to see Taker whip Batista into the steel steps. Apron leg drop and he rolls Teest back into the ring for two. Old School attempt sees Taker get crotched on the buckle but manages to block a superplex. Batista charges Taker still on the turnbuckle but he stops that shindig with a boot. Old School connects this time and he goes for a charge but Batista counters that into a huge spinebuster. Somebody called it a powerbomb. I'm not sure who, as it easily could have been either one of them. And that's sad. Nearfall! Batista Bomb attempt but Batista gets backdropped. Taker goes for a chokeslam but Batista catches Taker's hand and lands a powerslam for two. Clothesline attempt by Batista gets his stuff rocked with a big boot and chokeslam, to which Coach says "Somebody's going for a ride!" I wonder if he thinks The Last Ride is the name of Undertaker's chokeslam. If it was anybody else I'd chalk it up to just a lame choice of words, but with Coach I just don't know. Undertaker picks up a two off the ch- okeslam, so Taker cuts his throat before walking right into a spear. Another two count to which Coach exclaims "We've had two or three two or three counts in this match!" Batista gets Taker in the corner for some mounted punches and the crowd is counting along all the way to ten. This of course leads to the Last Ride powerbomb, but Batista manages to kick out again. Taker leaves the ring and brings in the steel steps that are usually legal anyway. He looks for a tombstone but Batista reverses it, just like every other time these two have ever tried this spot ever, and gets a spinebuster onto the steps. Replays cover the screen and what's actually going on is taking place in a little box in the far bottom corner. The announcers are yelling it's a Batista Bomb but I don't know, knowing them it could be a goddam DDT. When the screen blows back up Shawn Michaels (or is it the lead singer for Lynard Skynard? Not sure.) is in the ring with a cowboy hat and superkicks the hell out of Batista. I'm pretty sure the back of HBK's shirt says "Creationism" in dripping blood. Maybe there's a bloody human rib below it, I don't know, I couldn't see it all. Crotch chop and Cole claims that Michaels just broke Batista's heart. Too bad I didn't watch it, I must have missed their love angle on Raw. Must have. Taker is getting up and gets Batista up for the Tombstone Piledriver. This connects and he pins Batista for three.

Winner: The Undertaker. A series of replays air after the match. Edge decides not to come out and beat Taker up for once this week, despite him lying injured on the mat and unable to stand. Surely if he's hurt they could at least get BAM NEELY to do it. Ah well. END SHOW.

WWE: Punk/Edge and Teest/Taker was good.

TNA Impact: Everything else.

Remember WCW?: Remember when Edge used his Money in the Bank and you were like "Oh crap!" and RVD beat John Cena with it and you were like "Oh crap!" and Edge won the title with it again and you were like "Oh, crap, that kind of sucked" and when Punk won it and you were like "Oh, crap!" I wonder if they'll trust Punk enough with it to use it to main event Wrestlemania, or if they'll just have him use it in six months as a quick makeshift main event for a lackluster PPV. I hope it's the former, so when the new Mr. MITB is crowned at next year's Wrestlemania, there'll be two of them, and wacky shenanigans will ensue. That should be kind of cool. They could do an Odd Couple angle from then on. It could be William Regal and The Boogeyman. They could have their own tv show too, like the real Odd Couple. Wait, there was no real Odd Couple. It was just a show. A funny show. And not just because Felix's initials were FU. Nope.

Rivalries built around Backlash

2008-04-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

Posted by Roadkill

Rivalries is a segment where I come up with storylines for the WWE. Here are 2 storylines built around Backlash:

Rivalry: Chris Jericho and Batista vs. Shawn Michaels

Why: Chris Jericho costs HBK the match at Backlash.

How it goes: At Backlash, Chris Jericho costs HBK his match with Batista after he hits him with his I.C. title.

On Raw, HBK says, "Jericho, why would you do that to me? What have I ever done to you? What would motivate you to do something like that. Why Jericho, why?" Then Y2J and Batista come out together. Jericho says, " I did what I did for a reason. Michaels, Batista is right. Your ego gets in the way of everything you do. Like Batista said, I will never get to see Ric Flair, my mentor, wrestle again because of you." Michaels responds, "Is this because of Ric? Ric?! Guys everyone has gotten over this. Stop living in the past, will you. Everyone has gotten over this. " "Everyone but us, " says Batista. "You are being so nonchalant about this and I think I know why. Because you hated Flair. You were jealous of his legacy, and you wanted to end his career." HBK says, "Flair was a friend. I wasn't jealous of him, I was happy for him. He had a great career." Then Jericho says, "He did have a great career. But'll you'll never live up to him. You'll never even come close." HBK says, "I know I never will. But you won't either. In fact-" BAM! HBK gets whacked with Jericho's I.C. title.

On the next Raw, Batista and Jericho face Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly. Batista pins Cody after a Batista Bomb. After the match, Shawn Michaels comes out and challenges Chris Jericho to a title match at Judgement Day. Jericho accepts.

On Smackdown, Batista beats CM Punk. After the match, Jericho, who is managing Batista, gives Punk a codebreaker as a message to HBK.

On Raw, Batista fights Shawn Michaels. The match ends in DQ after HBK hits Batista with a chair. He hits him a bunch of times with the chair, and Batista is bloodied up. HBK says, "Jericho, look at Batista. You've been warned."

At Judgement Day, Jericho wins after Batista distracts HBK, allowing Jericho to hit the codebreaker.

On Raw, Batista is on the highlight reel. Jericho says, "Batista, at Judgement Day, you saved me from Shawn Michaels. You saved me from a loss. You saved me from losing my title. When you did all that, you showed that you had my back. Well, now, I want to repay you. Batista, I got your back." Batista and him shake hands, and then Regal's music hits. He announces that right now, Batista is going to fight Shawn Michaels. In the match, HBK is about to win, but a distraction from Jericho costs him the match.

Next week, Shawn Michaels is attacked by Batista and Y2J backstage.

On Raw, Shawn Michaels returns the favor by attacking Y2J and Batista backstage.

On the following Monday, Shawn Michaels beats Mr.Kennedy in a #1 contender's match for the I.C. title. It is announced that the match is HBK vs. Jericho and Batista at Night of Champions (a new PPV premeiring June 27th) in a handicapped match, and if Jericho's side wins, he retains his title, but if HBK wins, he gets the title.

On Smackdown, Batista and Jericho beat Kane in a handicapped match.

On Raw, Batista and Jericho face Triple H and Shawn Michaels as DX. DX wins. Backstage though, HBK is brutally attacked by Y2J and Batista.

HBK wins at Night of Champions.

On Raw, Jerichohas Batista on The Highlight Reel and blames Batista for the loss. Batista says Jericho lost fair and square, and that if it were'nt for him, he'd had lost the title a month ago at Judgement Day. Jericho says that Batista didn't do anything at Judgement Day. Batista asks them to replay the clip, proving Jericho wrong. Jericho says, "That. That was help. Batista, I could've still won I never needed you-" Boom! Batista spears Jericho and leaves the ring.

On Smackdown, Batista beats Jericho. After the match, Theodore Long comes out and says, "Guys, this is a message from William Regal. On Raw, you 2 and Shawn Michaels will fight for the Intercontinental title."

Shawn Michaels wins on Raw.

Rivalry: Triple H vs. Randy Orton

Why: Triple H wants the WWE title.

How it goes: It's Backlash. Cena and JBL have been elimanated from the match. Orton and HHH are left. HHH puts Orton through a table, but can't pin him outside the ring. He brings him inside, Orton kicks out, and ends up winning the match.

On Raw, Triple H shows the part of the Backlash match where he pedigrees Orton through the table, but he can't pin him. He says, "I had the match won right there. I should be the WWE champion. But it was outside the ring, so I couldn't. But if it were a diffrent match: A last man standing match, a falls count anywhere match, or a tables match, I would've won." The William Regal comes out and says, "Triple H, you've sparked an idea in my head. At Judgement Day, we will start a 3 stages of hell match between you and Orton for the WWE title. The frist match will be at Judgment Day, the second at ECW One Night Stand, and the thrid at our newest PPV, Night of Champions. But tonight, HHH, you will face JBL. If you win, you get to pick the match stipulation at Judgement Day. If you lose, Orton picks the stipulation." Triple H beats JBL.

Next week, JBL convinces William Regal to give him a match with Randy Orton. If he wins, he will face Orton at Judgement Day, and not Triple H. JBL is about to win, but Triple H interferes and beats the hell out of Orton, giving him the win. He pedigrees JBL and Orton, then grabs a mic. He says, "Orton, at Judgement Day, me and you will fight in a Falls Count Anywhere match."

The Raw before the PPV, Triple H beats Umaga. After the match, he pedigrees him onto the steel steps. He says, "Orton, look at Umaga. Look at him. That's you on Sunday."

Triple H wins at Judgement Day. (Remember, a 3 stages of hell match is like a best 2 out of 3 match. He hasn't won the WWE title just yet.)

On Raw, Triple H gets to pick the next stipulation, as long as he beats a surprise opponent tonight. The surprise opponent, or opponents I should say, are Carlito and Santino Marella. Triple H is squashing them, but then a distraction from Orton costs Triple H the match. Then he bloodies him up with a steel chair and kicks him in the head twice.

On Monday, Randy Orton says that the match at ECW One Night Stand will be a street fight. He says that he will be fighting someone in a street fight tonight to prepare for the match. The refs bring out a jobber, and the match starts. Orton wins very quickly. Then Orton says that he's willing to fight in another street fight and takes an open challenge for later tongiht. Cody Rhodes answers that challenge, but falls short against Orton.

The match at ECW One Night Stand ends in a double-pin.

On Raw, William Regal announces that because of the double-pin, HHH and Orton willl fight in a tables match tonight, and the match will count as part 2 of the 3 stages of hell match. Orton wins.

Next week, William Regal announces that the final match will be at Night of Champions, and it will be a Hell in a Cell match. He also announces that tonight, Triple H will face Mr.Kennedy . HHH wins.

Next week, Randy Orton beats Jeff Hardy. He is pedigreed after the match.

Orton wins at Night of Champions and retains his title.

Official Backlash Predictions

2008-04-27T08:45:00.000-07:00

Posted by Deadpossum, Majoordood, and Roadkill

Roadkill: Deadpossum, Majoordood, and myself got together and predicted the Backlash matches. Here are our predictions.
Majoordood: Remeber, the order in which we predict the matches is the order in which we want them to appear.

Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero, ECW title
Deadpossum: Kane, of course.
Majoordood: Definetely Kane.
Roadkill: Kane is going to kill Chavo.

6 Diva tag team match
Deadpossum: Victoria's team
Majoordood: Michelle Mcool's team.
Roadkill: I agree with Deadpossum.

The Great Khali vs. The Big Show
DP: Big Show.
MD: No contest, neither man can go on.
RK: You're both wrong. The match ends in double count-out.

MVP vs. Matt Hardy, U.S. title
DP: MVP. Matt Hardy would win if this were a non-title match, though.
MD: Matt Hardy.
RK: MVP.

Batista vs. Shawn Michaels, special ref Chris Jericho
DP: Draw.
MD: Batista.
RK: Batista.

The Undertaker vs. Edge, World Heavyweight title
Everyone: The Undertaker.

WWE title, Randy Orton vs. HHH vs. JBL vs. John Cena, Fatal Four-way elimanation match
DP: Orton. Order of elimanation is JBL, HHH, and last, Cena.
MD: HHH. Order of elimanation is JBL, Cena, Orton.
RK: Orton retains. Order of elimanation is Cena, JBL, HHH.

RK: Well, those are the predictions. Have fun watching Backlash, if you're ordering it.

The Top Ten: Week of 4/21/08

2008-04-27T08:38:00.000-07:00

Posted by Majoordood

Here are this week's top ten rankings:

William Regal is now the Raw GM and King of the Ring.
The Undertaker retained his title in a No DQ match against Batista.
Kane intimadated Chavo and Edge on ECW.
Randy Orton lead his team to a win on Raw.
JBL was on the front page of the NY times, and he won a match on Raw.
Umaga. He showed that he's probably voting Republican by spiking Barack and Hilary.
Moore beat Miz on SD and Wang-Yang beat Morrison on ECW.
Natalya beat Cherry on Smackdown.
Shawn Michaels cost Batista the SD world title.
Edge had a nice win over CM Punk.

Best of the week: Week of 4/21/08

2008-04-27T08:34:00.000-07:00

Posted by Majoordood

It's that time of week again! Here are this week's best of the week:

RAW'S BEST OF THE WEEK:
William Regal is now King William Regal.

ECW'S BEST OF THE WEEK:
Kane. He said he'd get Vickie Guerrero. Edge and Chavo seem intimadated.

SMACKDOWN'S BEST OF THE WEEK:
The Undertaker. He retained his World Heavyweight title in a No DQ match against Batista.

2008-04-23T12:47:00.000-07:00